Monday, January 28, 2008

And Chapter 2 is dooooown

2/7 chapters done. Revision is flying along. All reports indicate that it really improves the story, although further cutting will be necessary in a third draft. But that's for the future!

-----------------------

Tobias was beginning to hate the smell of dirt.
He was pressed into the ground, spear in his right hand, waiting, waiting, waiting. Every time they heard anything remotely like a deer a call went out, he would drop his supplies and throw himself on his belly behind the closest tree. Then began the game of ambush and hope. Some days, there was nothing at all – only the sound of stones slipping in the distance, water winding through a creek bed. Other times, there were two or even three of the deer loping through the trees, drinking at the streams, or stopping to sniff curiously at an abandoned carrysack. They didn’t seem aggressive, but Tobias couldn’t help but stare at the tall antlers that the males carried, bleached bone sharp as needles. He imagined how it would feel to be charged and this time stand his ground, to dodge out of the way at the last moment with air under his feet and then bear the creature to the ground with his spear buried in its neck.
He dreamed of that sometimes. They were like dreams of being in the movies. In those visions he was always taller and wrapped in muscle, and Rei was b his side. He always awoke hungry.
But there was always more than one, and the time when they would find a deer alone drove him to sharpen his spear every night. “I'd kill for a steak. Just one steak,” Tobias said once, as they all crouched low around a fire.
“Which of us would you kill?” Foster asked, joking.
Tobias shrugged. "Whoever has the most meat on them, I guess." Nobody laughed.
And now, on his belly in the mud, pins and needles attacking his legs from all directions, he could only hear one set of hoof beats. His heart was beating so loud he was sure the deer would hear, and the dream of meat was back on his tongue. The trees ahead clumped to form a natural path, with Pal hiding on one side and him on the other. Foster was down the path somewhere, keeping watch, ready to shout out if the deer was alone, and all three girls had scattered away into the trees to cut the animal off if needed. It had to work.
The noises were closer now, very close, but he couldn’t see anything past the bush. The hoof-falls slowed.
There was a high-pitched whistle.
He tried to move, but his arms had frozen.
Dimly, he heard Pal shout. He raised his head and saw the boy leap out, but when he tried to follow everything shook and blurred. His spear was too heavy to lift.
The noises were too close. It was right there.
It burst past the trees. No antlers, no fury; it was a female. But it was still huge, as tall as his shoulder, and it was running fast and scared.
Pal stepped out into the does path and threw. His aim was sloppy; the spear only grazed and skipped off. Too short to fly well, not sharp enough to stick. Pal cursed and stepped back out of the way.
It was almost passing him.
Something in his body tensed and suddenly Tobias was on his feet. He pivoted out from behind the bush with his spear in his right hand, winding back, preparing to throw.
I’m too late, he realized. He could see every detail of the doe as it ran, muscles flinching and bulging under soft skin. Her eyes were deep and dark, and he knew then that she was judging him.
He threw anyway.
The spear never left his hand. The doe caught him under the chin with her shoulder and stars burst behind his eyelids as he flew back, arms flailing but catching only air, and he saw the sky. The same beautiful shade as Rei’s eyes.
He landed on his back, his breath punched out, throat crushed and constricted. He clawed at the dirt, trying to lever himself up, gasping and choking. His strength failed and his head came down, leaving him looking upwards at the clouds.
The hoofbeats faded away.
This might be dying, he thought. It’s not all that bad. Hurts a bit.
Then he thought, do I get to see my mother again? That would be nice.
And finally, as he heard his companion’s shouts and their anxious faces began to appear in a halo above, he thought it’s okay. She wouldn’t have wanted you anyway, skinny little cyclops.
He blacked out.

No comments: